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June 2017
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Syndication

Topical jokes about: Trumpcare, throwing change into a jet engine, a dog who was elected mayor, and the Queen of England getting a raise.

 

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Show Transcript:

Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are the jokes for today for June 27th.
 
Hillary Clinton said ‘If Republicans pass this healthcare bill, they’ll be the death party’, And if there's anyone who knows about being the death of a party, it's Hillary Clinton.
 
A small town in Kentucky has elected a dog as mayor for the fourth time. The dog nearly lost the election when Wikileaks posted emails, where the dog confessed that he knew he wasn't a good boy.
 
In China, a flight was delayed for hours after an elderly woman threw coins into one of the engines for good luck. To prevent future occurrences, airport security no longer allows passengers to bring on, OLD CHINESE WOMEN.
 
The Queen of England is set to receive a 78% raise from the government. The raise is good news, because there'd been rumors around the watercooler, that the Queen was going to get laid off.
 
These were the jokes for today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Jun27th.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:40pm PDT

Topical Jokes about: Marijuana pizza, a bad dog owner, untalented psychics, fox news, and a lawsuit involving a testicle.

 

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Show Transcript:

Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are the jokes for today for June 18th.

In Massachusetts, a marijuana dispensary has begun selling marijuana pizza. If your marijuana pizza isn't delivered within 30 minutes, then your driver is probably taking a nap.

Police ticketed a woman after she left her six dogs in a hot car, and they all died. The ticket was for "barbecuing without a license."

Fox News has announced they are retiring their old slogan "Fair and Balanced." Fox executives are still deciding on the new slogan, which they've narrowed down to either: "The Daily Show for Racists" or "InfoWars Light."

In Arizona, two psychics were surprised when they were hit by a car that crashed through the window of a restaurant. The man explained that were were different kinds of psychics. He's the kind of psychic who can't see the future.

...the injured psychic asked police to let his wife know he was in the hospital so she wouldn't be worried. The man said that his wife is also a psychic.

In Pennsylvania, a man has been awarded $870,000 dollars after he underwent surgery to remove a diseased testicle, and the doctor removed his healthy testicle by mistake. In the doctor's defense, no testicle has ever looked healthy.

These were the jokes for today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Jun1817.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:28pm PDT

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Show Transcript:

Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are the jokes for today for June 7th.

Soon, iPhones will prevent users from texting while driving. The way it works is simple, when the driver starts texting, the car's wheels will fly off.

Drug overdoses are now the leading cause of death for people under 50. And when you turn 50 there's a new leading cause of death: infected bed sores.
 
In Utah, a woman was arrested for pulling her child's teeth out with pliers in a Walmart bathroom. Walmart employees were shocked, because none of them had ever heard of dentistry.

A man flying Delta airlines was bitten by another passenger's emotional support dog. But the dog made it up to everyone later, by eating a crying baby.

These were the jokes for today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Jun7.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:53pm PDT

Topical Jokes about: Bill Maher saying the n-word, homelessness, in LA, trying to join ISIS, and the new Wonder Woman movie.

Hope you enjoy extremely deadpan delivery, because that's how I read jokes.

 

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Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are the jokes for today for June 4th.

The new "Wonder Woman" movie earned 100 million dollars in its opening weekend. "Wonder Woman" is such huge a hit that there's already talk of rebooting the franchise, with a male lead.

In Los Angeles, the homeless population has jumped 23% since last year. Which is a surprising statistic, considering 99% of the people in Los Angeles, have never had a job.

Bill Maher has been criticized for using the n-word in a TV interview. But in Bill Maher's defense: he's an out-of-touch douche.

An Air Force veteran has been sentenced to 35 years in prison for trying to join ISIS. ISIS released a statement saying they'd reviewed the man's application, but they're moving ahead with another candidate.

These were the jokes for today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: June4th17.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:31pm PDT

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