The Jokes for Today
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for February 12th.
The presidential portrait of Barack Obama was unveiled today. Everyone agreed that even a painting of Barack Obama is a better president than Donald Trump.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions said that the sheriff's department is a critical part of "The anglo-american heritage of law enforcement." Republicans insist that his statement wasn't MEANT to be racist, it just SOUNDS racist, because HE IS racist.
Remington, the gun manufacturer has filed for bankruptcy. The CEO of Remington explained that, there simply aren't enough mass shootings for them to stay profitable.
In Arizona, a woman went to sleep with a severe headache, and woke up speaking with a British accent. "Oh! I wish that would happen to me!", said most women.
In Ohio, a manager of Dollar Tree was assaulted by shoplifters after the video of them stealing was posted to Facebook.  Investigators are still trying to figure out how people who shoplift at Dollar Tree, have access to the internet.
Robot-maker Boston Dynamics shared a video of a robot opening a door. They didn't teach the robot how to knock on the door, because they want it to be a surprise when it kills you.
Thank you for listening. I wrote a comedy book called "Riddles for the Easily Confused" which is now available on
These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Feb12.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:43pm PDT