The Jokes for Today

Categories

general
Comedy

Archives

2018
November
February

2017
August
July
June
May
April
March
January

2016
November
September
August
June
May
April
March
February
January

2015
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2014
December
November

November 2018
S M T W T F S
     
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30

Syndication

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95
 
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for November 9th.
 
In Michigan, a dead woman was found inside the donation dumpster at Goodwill. Goodwill employees discovered the dead woman, when a customer tried to buy her.
 
Speaking of death--
 
In Alaska, a man was who faked his own death has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. When the judge read the sentence, the man could be heard crying from inside his coffin.
 
The morning after the midterm election, Attorney General Jeff Sessions resigned. To insure that there is no interruption in his duties, Sessions will be replaced by a child-sized scarecrow, wearing a klan outfit.
 
Florida plans to phase out greyhound racing by 2020, meaning thousands of greyhounds will need to be adopted. Because there are more dogs than available homes, the greyhounds will have to compete for adoption via some sort of speed competition.
 
These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Nov9.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:44pm PST

Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for February 12th.
 
The presidential portrait of Barack Obama was unveiled today. Everyone agreed that even a painting of Barack Obama is a better president than Donald Trump.
 
Attorney General Jeff Sessions said that the sheriff's department is a critical part of "The anglo-american heritage of law enforcement." Republicans insist that his statement wasn't MEANT to be racist, it just SOUNDS racist, because HE IS racist.
 
Remington, the gun manufacturer has filed for bankruptcy. The CEO of Remington explained that, there simply aren't enough mass shootings for them to stay profitable.
 
In Arizona, a woman went to sleep with a severe headache, and woke up speaking with a British accent. "Oh! I wish that would happen to me!", said most women.
 
In Ohio, a manager of Dollar Tree was assaulted by shoplifters after the video of them stealing was posted to Facebook.  Investigators are still trying to figure out how people who shoplift at Dollar Tree, have access to the internet.
 
Robot-maker Boston Dynamics shared a video of a robot opening a door. They didn't teach the robot how to knock on the door, because they want it to be a surprise when it kills you.
 
Thank you for listening. I wrote a comedy book called "Riddles for the Easily Confused" which is now available on Amazon.com
 
amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4
 
These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.
Direct download: Feb12.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:43pm PST

1