The Jokes for Today

Topical jokes about really bad daycare employees, payday loans, the Dead Sea, hardcore porn on CNN, and a mis-sent Thanksgiving text.

Direct download: Nov25.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:39am PST

Topical Jokes about: intentionally crashing a school bus, buying Viagra in bulk, the right to starve yourself, the stock market, and whether or not Jews are people.

Direct download: Nov232016.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:47am PST

Hey! It's been awhile! For the first time in two months I've gotten my act together enough to write and record the podcast. Here's to more frequent episodes.

Topical Jokes about: The Pope, rain in Los Angeles, "Sponsored Content", swiping a wallet, and the hospitalization of Kanye West.

Direct download: Nov21.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:34pm PST

Topical jokes about stem cell therapy, police violence, Japan, pigeons, stem cell research, droughts, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's divorce.

Direct download: Sep21.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:01pm PST

Topical jokes about Anthony Weiner's divorce, Ryan Lochte, killing your son, a world record for fist bumps, prison currency, and a dead bagpipe player.

Direct download: Aug29.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:45pm PST

Topical jokes about cockroaches, Donald Trump, and a license plate that reads 8THEIST.

Note: This is a shorter episode, but I want to crank them out a lot faster.

Direct download: Aug14.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:54pm PST

Topical jokes about: A really old Twinkie, squirting breastmilk on people, President Obama's approval rating, shooting a gun as a joke, Ozzy Osbourne's sex addiction, Mac 'n Cheetos, and Blink 182

HUGE APOLOGY ALERT. Most of these jokes are pretty old, because I wrote them last month when I submitted a packet for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. After I finished that packet, I lost all interest in recording the jokes, and the podcast in general, and then did nothing for a month. I really just had zero interest in doing the podcast, and it's a small miracle I did it tonight.

Direct download: Aug8.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:32pm PST

Topical Jokes about: The Cleveland Cavaliers, a woman being chased by a bear, free tickets from Tickemaster, a naked restaurant in Japan, Chewbacca Mom, and other stuff.

Note: Sorry for the delay in recording a new episode. Thanks to the Summer weather, this episode is complete with crickets chirping between jokes, just like if I performed them for an audience.

Direct download: Jun19.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:13pm PST

Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Caitlyn Jenner, George Zimmerman's gun auction, a 100 year old running around, and the Indy 500.

Direct download: May15.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:59pm PST

Topical jokes about the TSA, Toys R Us, airlines, advertising on NBA jerseys, people dying, and a Tinder scholarship.

Direct download: Apr24.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:52pm PST

Topical jokes about stealing candy bars, yoga on airplanes, sewing your hand into your stomach, and a Scarlett Johansson robot.

Direct download: Apr4.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:10pm PST

Topical jokes about: Donald Trump's position on abortion, a tax on marijuana, Katt Williams getting beaten up, adult coloring books, virtual reality porn and much more.

Direct download: Mar31.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:43pm PST

Topical jokes about Jared Fogle, Indiana Jones, a woman ripping off her husband's testicles, stolen Legos and much more.

Direct download: Mar17.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:13pm PST

Topical jokes about Kanye asking for a billion dollar loan, Jeb Bush quitting the presidential race, a giant diamond, guns in the classroom, and of course Adolf Hitler's deformed penis.

Direct download: Feb21.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:37pm PST

Topical jokes about Donald Trump, Chipotle, Sears, crosses on cop cars, Subway's $5 dollar foot long, and more.

Note: I recorded this in like 3 takes, which I think is the fastest ever.

Direct download: Feb10.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:33pm PST

Topical jokes about a dog running a half-marathon, a movie theater shooting, a terrorist kangaroo, a masturbating driver, a fat Barbie doll, and much more.

Note: Thanks for listening, this is an extra long episode, and I hope you enjoy it.

Direct download: Jan30.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:42pm PST

Topical jokes about Donald Trump shooting people, Tinder and STDs, a Chicago city councilman who is in jail, and a woman beating her husband with nunchucks.

Note: Remember when I said I was going to record episodes more frequently? OH, I MEANT THAT!

Direct download: Jan24-2016.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:50pm PST

Topical jokes about chocolate-covered french fries, the world's oldest man dying (again!), the Oregon militia, the weather, and El Chapo.

Note: Remember when I said I was going to record the show more frequently? OH, I MEANT THAT.

Direct download: Jan21.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:34pm PST

Topical jokes about mail men destroying presents (not weeks old, I swear), Chipotle closing, powerball millionaires, and a police shooting.

Note: Sorry! I have been extremely lazy, I promise I'm going to post episodes more frequently.

Direct download: Jan17.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:51pm PST