Tue, 22 August 2017
Topical jokes about: Confederate statues, Donald Trump ecstasy, and the Secret Service.
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Show Transcript:Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for August 22nd.
In Texas, a man was arrested after he was caught trying to blow up a Confederate statue. If convicted, the man will be enslaved.
In Germany, police have seized 5,000 orange ecstasy tablets that are shaped like Donald Trump's head. When you take the Donald Trump ecstasy you feel amazing. You feel just like Donald Trump does right after he hits "Send" on a tweet.
Police also discovered Donald Trump Viagra pills, which were shaped like his giant red neckties.
The Secret Service can no longer afford to protect Donald Trump and his family, as they have already exhausted their annual budget. Trump said, "Not to worry, if anyone tries to shoot me, I can just use Melania as a human shield."
These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.